Being KIND to OURSELVES

How can we be kind to others if we can’t be kind to ourselves? How can we encourage others, if we aren’t good at encouraging ourselves? How can we change our self-talk from negative to positive?

I’m a stutterer. Relatively few people know this, and if you were speaking with me, you would never know. I have come a long way from my early years, when my stutter was a form of torture. I used to make deliberate mistakes in my writing at primary school, so I wouldn’t have to read it out to the class. I would internally berate myself for mucking my words up and would run away from a ringing phone. 

Asking for something in a shop was excruciating. A few people made fun of me and it hurt. I lived with a lot of fear but I had to face it and believe in myself. 

Over time I had more successes in public speaking and my confidence grew. I was still a sweaty mess when I had to speak but I was getting better. Much later, when I was a guest lecturer at Waikato University in Storytelling, I would speak with large groups of students and had no problems at all as I was now using adrenaline in a positive way. 

Being a teacher has helped me with speaking to an audience and children are very forgiving. They don’t see your mistakes, they just want to hear the story. 

My wife Val, our daughters and my siblings continue to be my biggest cheerleaders and encouragers in this regard too.

Rewiring my brain with affirming self-talk took a long time. I still have some difficulty with consonants but have learnt over the years to quickly think of alternative words to say. I have become my own thesaurus and have learnt, ‘it’s not about the messenger, it’s about the message’.

POINTS to PONDER

Let’s be honest. We are all a bit broken. We all have our weaknesses and faults so we need to be more patient with ourselves and give ourselves some slack. 

Back yourself. Pick yourself up again and again. Never give up.

Use life’s experiences to help shape you into a person that cares, no matter what.